They talked to me as if I was a piece of shit

There were times few years ago when being a self-employed person working from home, I was made to feel unsuccessful. I was asked why I didn’t have a job. Even why I hadn’t bought a house yet.  I wondered why what I was doing did not qualify for work. I was called anti-social and I thought there was something wrong with me. Working from home as a woman in her late thirties was a taboo (to certain extent) among people that age.

People objected the way I lived (they still do). They told me I did not plan my future right (they still say.) They called me crazy because I was a risk taker and a dreamer. (They still say the same)

I became depressed. Wasted years popping antidepressants and benzodiazipines, and felt resentful about myself, my life and my choices.

Then one day in my therapist’s room, while I whined about what a big loser I was, my therapist made me see how I was more successful than any other person of my age.

So, I thought.

And I thought deep.

This change of perspective arrived to me when I turned 43. It was 2015.

I had already ended my business of fashion three years ago and quit antidepressants because both made me feel sadder and sadder day by day. Though I felt free but people repeatedly questioned what I did. And what I did, did not qualify for being called successful due to home-based work. And there was persistent objection on my decision of shutting down my business.

It took me only four sessions with a therapist and just 30 minutes on my last day to conclude my achievements…

My achievements make me successful.

I realized,

• I have achieved the best of health. My depression and other health problems are gone (without pills)
• I am still creative and talented
• I have the ability to ‘create’
• I have remained in my relationship with the same man whose love is unconditional for me
• I raised a smart and independent child
• I have enough time to exercise, read and create
• I still have eternal thirst to learn more every day, every year
• I am still always hungry to know more than I knew yesterday
• I can speak foreign languages
• I have money to afford what I need
• I am different
• I have beaten my age
• Most importantly I have achieved PEACE (Isn’t this the most important thing?)

So…

Tell me something…

How does this qualify for being ‘unsuccessful’?

Achievements or success is not only having a full time job, getting a promotion, owning a property or having millions in the bank.

Hence my dear,

If someone is making you feel bad about your choices,

T H I N K.

THINK DEEP.

#reality #life #privatelife #diarywriting #realityshow #berlin #germany  #art #USA  #Munich  # Europe # Travel #antidepressants #depression #successstory #achievements

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