Since a lot of you ask me about my name, I decided to tell you my view behind it. Apart from the fact that I hated my name all my childhood due to its religious significance conflicting with my secular beliefs. I hated it more when I grew up. (Many reasons for this. Let’s not mention those.)
I am against having a name given to a person. I believe everyone should choose his or her name when he/she grows up. Name should be the description of personality. It should be creative. I am also not in favour of the idea of last name which is always a man’s name (why not a woman’s name?). Why should a woman be titled by a man?
I was opposed to all this corrupted reality so I did what I had to do. I created my own identity. The identity, which tells who I am not who someone wanted me to be or thought of me to be.
I wanted to change my name when I was 14. In rebellion, I even wrote that name on my 9th grade farewell party dress. Well, I was not allowed to be called that. I never understood why shouldn’t I. In year 2000, I changed my name’s spelling thinking it might satisfy me but it didn’t so I started introducing myself as Xandria. In 2008, I officially announced to be called Xandria on which someone from family and a few from pseudo-friends circle blamed me for Identity Crisis. It did not bother me because changing my name to match my personality was not Identity Crisis. I knew who I was and there was no confusion about it. People did not know who I was. My ex-name is too soft and weak for me.
After the first name, I need to have my own last name. My father gave me Baig. So where was I in my name? (Not that I don’t love my dad.)
I thought about having a last name that means ‘me’. I have been pondering to attach ME to my first name. This year finally I have decided to have NOIR (pronounced: nwarkh) as my last name. Noir means Black in French.
Why in French? Because I love French language.
Why Black? Because Black defines me the best. I paint black, wear black, project black, talk in black…
Black is me. Black is creativity.
Why Xandria? Becasue Xandria is not a religious name. It is a Greek name originated long before the religions started in the world. I picked Xandria, a synonym for courage and strength; a name to define intelligence; a name that is for a savior, conqueror, defender. That’s me.
I needed to change it on my passport too and for that when I went, they routed me to a nonsense hectic, hassled system of long official intervention and questions about my religious beliefs (none of their business.)
I am Xandria Noir !
Not that I don’t love my father, but because I stand on my own identity. No man needs to define me. I will introduce myself as Xandria Noir and I expect people to register me as such too. If they don’t then I am only disappointed in them to be conservative.
(If my personality changes in few years, so will my name again. It should always define me.)
If you modify your lounge’s window into door by elongating its passage, will you still call it a window?
À la prochaine!
(And oh yeah, some anonymous person commented on my post by saying that ‘I need a psychiatrist’. I laughed and laughed. One thing I would say here is that if you comment as ‘anonymous’ then you need a psychiatrist more than me because you don’t have the courage to identify yourself at all. Second, I don’t understand why people have problems with someone like me who likes doing perky things. If I need to change my name then why someone takes all the time to read my post on this blog and get pissed off because he or she is just another ordinary person who could not do something out of ordinary. According to Sturgeon’s Law 90 % of all is crap. Since I believe in this, people like these and their actions don’t bother me anymore.
Let others live the way they want to as long as it doesn’t affect anyone.)