Entries by XANDRIA NOIR
Love
Asks my inquisitiveness sometimes
of a strange feeling
that is strong,
that is deep,
that is painful,
that is soothing,
that brings the sickness and the cure,
that is pure.
Asks my inquisitiveness sometimes
of this strange bond
that is this connection
which enables me to breath
which enables me to live
and to live to yearn
for more of days to spend together
till the grey streaks appear and tell the age
till the life departs.
Asks my inquisitiveness sometimes
of the mystery of touch
this touch that gives life
that evolves tempest
tempest of sex
tempest of lust
that gives the security
security from the evil of the world.… READ THE REST...
Day one, day last
Eyes open and streaks look bright
something new to the sight.
Streaks grow clearer and clearer as days pass by
Hear the ears clearer the pitch, the twang, the cry.
Powered are legs, firm are the feet
homo-sapien becomes from the creep.
This and that; here and there
it passes like a flair
the life that just started
a glimpse, and it is departed.
Incubus within
a lot is left behind unresolved
a lot is left behind that involved
love and passion that I revised
blindly endowed on someone in disguise.
my endearment was clear and pure
but purity he could not endure;
he crucified my affection
with evil’s reflection
and still kept me tied
he was an incubus under hide.
my esteem wrapped in bruises
still makes my heart loses
the fury waiting to be unleashed
but as if been beseeched
to hold the fumes that could enflame him
crush him, shatter him, condemn him
that could avenge and case an instance
with no common resemblance.… READ THE REST...
True colours of present and deceit of past
The time of flight of all those colours,
is the time that makes my sensations fuller.
Than that of what kept the colours away
And made me wander in search for ray;
Are no more in life to keep me bewildered
Gladly time has brought despair, swindled.
For he who transmuted life to gloom
Shall be resentful in life of fume;
As he was the harbinger of distrust,
Encased in nothing but obscenity of lust.
But in whose arms now repeatedly I sleep,
Is PURE at heart, bears no deceit.
Added up to life’s meaningful purrs,
Is the flight of all his true colours !… READ THE REST...
To let go
Striving to have the time wind
It’s hard to let go for the person who is left behind
Her emotions ail, exploitation the cause
Tearless cry, exasperation arose
For forgiveness he pleads
But forgiveness she impedes
Clouds him the adversity infinitely
Curses that she holds admittedly
Retrospective she is he outlined
But it’s hard to let go for the person who is left behind.… READ THE REST...
Death of sweetness
cry cry, enter the agony, melancholy
when the shadows of grief fall upon
the upright structure incessantly
heaping the truthful con.
when the pain is grown
the crystals from eyes cannot flee
matters not the consolation it be,
angels flutter their wings and see
but nothing for them to mourn
nothing for them for the flight
nothing was done at right
when the funeral it should be
existed not in sight,
wonder the skies and realize in time so less
that it was the death of sweetness!… READ THE REST...
And he shall begin…
He sits in the dark
Thinks of all glee;
Performance in past that he
Will clonally embark
Somewhere sooner or later
When time shall be better.
For his type is not to sit free
When he can go up to lengths greater,
When new prey flaps, and he sees,
Opportunity of his, there he can lark
Wicked grin on his face
Can be seen in the dark.
If I could forget
If only I could forget what I remember
That meeting, that sight and the first night of slumber;
That sitting in the corner avoiding eyes
It’s bizarre how time flies.
If only I could forget what I felt
That touch, that emotion and the bodies that could melt;
That swaying in the breeze so cold
It’s bizarre how time could behold.
If only I could forget what I heard
That sound, that tone and the words that slurred;
That moan swiftly changing into squall
It’s bizarre how time could maul
If only I could forget it at all.… READ THE REST...
Intimacy
The feeling, ultimate and throbbing
The vibes, arousing
Waves of craving make way to touch
The touch, the temptation, the seduction
Nothing calm as such.
Breathe uneven, eyes shut, lips dry
Second on second the tongue comes by
And soothes nothing as such
Though the touch
Wild and wilder, grab and hold, push and pull
Battle goes on….
The temple falls with ripped threads
The crease distorts of bed
Mingle the hand and the arch of back
Mingle the hand and the curve from head
Lips slither over the face
The noise, the moan, the eyes that shone
Sees the heaven, burns the flame
Down, deep and under
The biting, the screams wilder and wilder
The thrust and burst; the bodies surrender
Surfaces smooth but mildly throbbing
Lie side by side and wonder
And know must
Was it love or lust…… READ THE REST...
Peace be gone
Heart follows
and it follows desires.
Desires seldom retire
to the heart that swallows
the pain it destined;
to the heart that obstructs peaceful mind.
And never unwind
the sorrows.
Noisy silence
Oft, in the solitude,
memories drip their flavor.
Flavor creates the aroma
leaving me no choice but to savour.
But that flavor…
tingles nothing but adds
grief that eyes shed
entrails inside, drop by drop
gushing ahead to shrieks of silence
the surety made to be unnoticed
and clear stays the glance.
Sparkles in the eyes
I smell thee;
everywhere around me.
I glance you there;
and feel no fear;
drops no tear;
alas! bear
the pain that associates
with repression of flood it creates.
Sparkles in my eyes; below the eyes that bloat.
Anticipation erupts from the exodus of thoughts.… READ THE REST...
Thought you should know
Just want to tell you, my love
Though all, my love, you know
My life with your presence
with your arms that add essence
is a bundle of delightful clouds
upon which I lay myself
and my soul is taken away
to the utmost level of warmth and affection
where, by all means, is the truth in connection
to the transparency of your purity.
These clouds envelope me with their moisture
The moisture, which mixes my tears with smiles
And filters them
Leaving no emblem
These clouds envelope me with their fog
The fog, which hides me from the claws of distress.… READ THE REST...
Attend the misery of the poor
(Once, I was watching the poor porters in Sunday Market who were walking behind the rich and privileged watching them buy things that they could not even dream of. And the rich who were only concerned with their existence as far as they were behind carrying the load. I bet, they would not even remember the poor child’s face if they turn their head to them the second time. Below is a message to all those wanderers of Sunday Bazaar. )
We maintain strutting gait being ignorant
We sustain comforting bait being dormant
Ignorant we are of realities
Dormant we are beyond boundaries
But there’s a world, to most, a fiction
Destitute in worldly damnation
Do ‘THEY’ or we live in third dimension?… READ THE REST...
Answer-less
Rollin’ down
Moist crystals
Make way and disappear
I wonder what makes their existence
Emotions? Pains?
Or events? Memories?
Who empowers them?
The heart? Or brain?
Tussled, hustled …..
They keep the roll, and roll
Regardless of cheers
Regardless of sorrows
Regardless of you or me
Just the roll on the smooth grounds
Always down
As if it absorbs in same cheers or sorrows
And begins the life cycle again
The life cycle of A Tear !
PERFECTION IS OVERRATED
(One of the many reasons, teachers became my enemies at IVS, was my act of criticizing two film gods.)
When I was at Indus Valley School Of Arts & Architecture for a brief period of five weeks (yes, I left realizing it would be waste of one year learning crap), I noticed that the teachers forced perfection in filmmaking – angles, camera movement, rule of third, 180 degree rule, continuity… The film has to be just perfect. (This is what I learned).
No problem; good thing. I like that too.
But then it should be applied to all. Teachers should be able to criticize legends’ work too and not get offended when a student does so.… READ THE REST...
EAST, WEST AND NUDE LEGS
DECEMBER 23, 2015
Just a couple of days ago, someone asked the same question I have been asked many times before. “Why do you wear tights under a dress?”
This time, I did not want to respond. So I thought, I should write.
Here is why…
I, somehow, do not like Pakistani clothes. (Yeah, you can frown as much you like.) I find them very disturbing. Hence, I am always in dresses or tops. I keep my legs covered 65 percent in order to avoid becoming someone’s bedroom fantasy.
In the West, boys grow up watching their mothers and sisters wearing shorts, dresses, tank tops and bikinis at home and out.… READ THE REST...
NO PARKING FROM HERE TILL ETERNITY
NOVEMBER 12, 2015
Karachi is a city where having a car is a crime. You cannot park ANYWHERE. Well you can park in the paid parking but otherwise try parking it at home when you have to go somewhere. No matter where you take your vehicle, someone is offended and felt mugged of space. I am not joking, seriously.
I have recently joined a meditation group, which is located in Defence. It is situated in a house. The house is pretty big and with big boundary wall, one gets a lot of space to have parking outside. All the rest of the houses in the street are immense with vacant space outside their boundary walls.… READ THE REST...
ETHICALLY LOCKED UP
All I hear, when I go out, is ‘you can’t do this; you can’t do that.
What is happening to people? What kind of rules are being made these days? Where is the logic?… READ THE REST...
EDUCATED IGNORANCE
Every time I complain how bad system is in Pakistan or how bad people behave or how reckless they are on roads, driving, riding, walking, so I have been told ‘it’s lack of education’.
‘Lack of education ? How come?… READ THE REST...
DON’T GET PERSONAL
#PAKISTAN #RULES #KARACHI #TRAFFIC
One of the many things I am annoyed by in Pakistan is people’s driving. I am now on the stage that it has become funny to me. I laugh.
People take it too personally on roads here. You can’t be in front of someone (LITERALLY) . Anyone behind you thinks that it is his right to be in front of you. Everybody wants to be ahead of everyone. If you dare to overtake someone, you commit a moral, ethical and spatial crime. (It is his right to be ahead of you). Your overtaking will make you face all sorts of verbal and gestural abuse.… READ THE REST...
WHEN THEY ONLY WANT TO HEAR YES
WHEN A STUPID DOESN’T KNOW WHAT’S STUPIDTY
Yesterday I kinda made the best fool out of me by being over confident.
I have acted in TV plays and TV commercial from 2001 till 2003, and I have been thinking about getting some acting jobs again (due to my acute boredom with life). Well, yesterday I had a meeting with Mujahid, head of casting and planning at 7th Sky Entertainment in Karachi.
My arrival and departure both were in complete contrast. I entered infected with boosted levels of confidence. (I had been fully loaded with imagination of realistic acting and have thought, quite lately, that how difficult it could be to act.)… READ THE REST...
EXCLUSIVE Customer Service in Pakistan
an educated point of view
As I am growing older and more mature, it is getting increasingly difficult to compromise with the nonsense of Pakistan. When people say that Pakistan will improve one day, I only raise my eyebrows because if I go against this statement they try to fight me in a useless argument. I don’t’ have time to waste on something that doesn’t give me any benefit of knowledge. But for the first time in life I met someone who was not a waste of time.are you a killer too?
I remember when I was a child I played with figures and toys as if they were real characters with souls. I am not talking about when I was only three or five; I did that until I was 15 or older. I always had this world in my head giving them voices and life; a world where people moved and spoke as I desired. Unfortunately, I was always targeted by people for being abnormal. Many suggested having me checked. (I still hear things talking to me. I am an animist.)No Qualification? You’re DISQUALIFIED!
And THEY get the immigration
Last night at Koel Cafe dinner, a friend of ours – a visa officer at German Consulate Karachi, was with us. I asked him what I have been wanting to know for a long time – why THEM?
The pronoun THEM refers to mullahs and religious families. I am a Pakistani and I see how difficult it is for an educated person here to be successful at immigration for a Western country. BUT then I come across THOSE religiously brainwashed people who flash their foreign passport at my face ridiculing my misery being a Pakistani living in Pakistan.
Finally, I got the answer…
by xandria noir
3 seconds of dingle-dangle
an Hourglass called Life
Anti Social Extrovert
Ah… It’s half empty or full?
THE CIRCLE OF NAME
I have come to the point where I laugh at things that made me angry once. For example in Pakistan, people generally made me angry with their stupidity. Now I laugh how stupid most of the people are.
From 1991 till 2004, I sold my work through private shows. People in those days bought art and commissioned it regarding it art worth having. Then I stopped painting and had a dry brush from 2004 till 2012. I resumed in the end of 2012 and though I haven’t placed a show yet but have started selling through my website and network. But then I thought I have been painting for more than two decades, let’s get involved in art circle of Pakistan and see what’s happening.… READ THE REST...
why the name change? because it matters!
Since a lot of you ask me about my name, I decided to tell you my view behind it. Apart from the fact that I hated my name all my childhood due to its religious significance conflicting with my secular beliefs. I hated it more when I grew up. (Many reasons for this. Let’s not mention those.)
I am against having a name given to a person. I believe everyone should choose his or her name when he/she grows up. Name should be the description of personality. It should be creative. I am also not in favour of the idea of last name which is always a man’s name (why not a woman’s name?).… READ THE REST...
if we evaporated instead of dying
my feelings, my art
growing up without internet and mobile phones
the best of Americans
you can tell if he is a politician
You can easily tell a western politician apart in public by his spine. They have special spines. They are either born with one or their mothers trained them to make theirs like this. The spine is highly stiff and normally ends at the top of the head instead of neck.
Western politicians walk and behave in distinctive manner due to their special spines. Notice how they are always stiff. Even if they bent or lean forward, they only bring their head forward. It is not possible for them to curve their vertebrae.
peace or rush?
dumb is new sexy
by xandria noir
Observing Homo sapiens of the Pakistani society in a social gathering is enjoyable and as well as painful experience for me. I have been noticing transition of sanity into stupidity. Girls or women take crack at impressing males with their pattern-exploded clothes and over sized accessories with overuse of unverified facts as conversation appetizers.kicking the ball
fashion boom or impending doom?
I wear simple classic cuts in clothes displaying the upscale modesty in my personality. Wearing neat attire is one of my many passions. Simplicity and elegance are two elements that I like to adhere to my personality. And I wouldn’t mind watching the works of same scale designers to inspire me.
men vs women
google glass – the matron of global prison
Social networking sites have already generated tumultuous digital war originating from the omnipresence of smart phones. Privacy of every common and elite has been breached making them vulnerable in the hands of antagonists of this Shakespeare’s stage.the power of NO
Theories are made in all eras of history for the betterment of humankind and world. Theories bring us forward. A simple theory of intellectual and intelligent man can teaches us a whole level of diploma education. They have power. They dominate.
life’s little instructions for your good
- Make NEW friends but cherish the OLD ones too.
- Don’t carry a GRUDGE.
- Compliment three people every day.
- Watch a sunrise at least ONCE a year.
- Over tip waiters and waitresses for good service.
- Have a firm handshake.
- Look people in the eye.
- Say ‘thank you’ a lot.
- Say ‘please’ a lot.
- Own a great stereo/music system.
- Be the first to say ‘Hello’.
- Live beneath your means.
- Drive inexpensive cars, but own the best house you can afford.
- Buy great books even if you don’t read them.
- Be forgiving of yourself and others.
living the moment
by xandria noir
I did the same few years ago. I divested the present from my mental existence. But now I have many new beliefs, and one of them is the surety of absence of future and past.
you – the controller of mind
You already know that brain controls your body. You move, you eat, you blink, you talk, and you sleep. Every function of your body is slave to your brain. Brain on the other hand is slave to your mind. But then who controls the mind? Who is behind all this system?life – the shortest living thing
Life is that short.
grounding children – a solution or problem itself?
–John Ruskin
a vegetarian’s point
average achievements to exception-lism
by xandria noir
acknowledging the corn
personae non gratae
careless whispers
sleeping beneath (poetry)
paragon of virtue
abstract nonsense
day one, day last (poem)
only mouth above water
are you insane?
An opening of a new outlet of clothes in Pakistan opens a window for mockery that chirps the sonnet of insanity. People come, chatter, smirk, sway, sip and leave. Insanity in disguise. Cameramen with big cameras, over-polished anchors on the lookout for an interview, grabbing women with shimmering make-up and screaming clothes, and men with dazed quantity of hair gel and confused statue-of-liberty hairdos, and neatly placed snacks on flying platters. Glam and clam just don’t mix, so loudness is the requirement if you want to be noticed.
Girls would take enough time to make sure their lip gloss is shiny enough, top is revealing or clingy, shoes are spotless, mobile phone is fancy, accessories are blink blink, hair is blow dried, and on arrival, gait is flying with flirtatious whiff.… READ THE REST...
earful-ness
I benefit from listening to other people’s experiences and thoughts. I have an aptitude to sit with a person for an hour, with my ears open, attention focused, passage to brain available and just listen. Unlike a therapist. But I could be one excellent therapist. I would not have cared for money because the quality of listening builds my soul, and trading soul for money only brings catastrophic implications.… READ THE REST...
big kingdom of little ones
jolt from entertainment
karachi
what i learned in 2008
Experience is an involuntary muscle. It happens whether you want it, like it or not. It’s on us to make it best or worst.